"Gottes Wille hat kein Warum"

"God's will has no Why"


In his memoires Inkallad (God's Conscript) Dad writes:

Nothing could disturb our happiness, and we were looking forward to the day when our firstborn would still more sweeten our lives -- in one room and a kitchen.

But that day and that week were to be swiftly changed into night-black sorrow. A year or two later perhaps some antibiotic could have saved Frieda's life. Now the doctors stood powerless. On a Saturday midday in the beginning of December 1930 her life expired. I stood with an eight day old boy -- in despair, heartbroken, ununderstanding.

Erik took two weeks of holiday leave to go and see his parents David and Betty in Copenhagen, Denmark, where David had become Territorial Commander. From there he wrote the letter to "Uncle Chris and Auntie Lien" that was mentioned in the first section of this story. There I got the narrative from an eye witness, my father. Uncle Chris and Auntie Lien were Frieda's grandparents and nearly the only relatives Dad had an address for. So he wrote them asking them to share this sad information with the rest of the family.
"You can imagine what I went through waiting outside the Operation room in the Hospital!! Once in a while I was allowed to come in to hold her hand. But she did not recognize me, I don't think. She was much too weak. The Doctors just tried to strengthen her heart and counteract the poison that had penetrated into the blood. The end came peacefully and without pain or struggle. She fell asleep without regaining consciousness.

There and then I kissed her farewell and thanked her for all she had been to me, and prayed that God should take her soul unto Himself. I know He did. She has gone to be with her saintly mother. She was a fine girl. Oh, how I loved her. She meant so very much to me and through her influence the very best in me developed.

God alone knows what a blow and tremendous loss this is to me. But He comforts most wonderfully. He has helped me so far to carry the heavy burden of the loss in the spirit of my darling Frieda. And I feel the presence of influence of her wherever I go. My prayer is that the bitterness may be shut out of my soul, and that my consecration and trust in God may increase."

Friedas tombstone How can a bereaved husband, four days after the death of his beloved, find the strength to put such a text on the tombstone? 

Gottes Wille hat kein Warum
(God's Will has no Why)

Of course I knew nothing of this at the time, being only a few days old when it happened. When I saw this grave for the first and only time in 1958 it made a deep impression on me. 

Later I saw and read reports from the funeral and the speeches given by others and by Erik himself, and the impression remains. Frieda must have been able to help people around her to find a profound reliance on God's all embracing love.
My grandmother Betty is reported to have spoken at the funeral, and Erik followed her back to Copenhagen to try to figure out what to do in this situation. It was now he wrote the aforementioned letter to Frieda's Dutch relatives.

Erik's chief in Berlin expected him to be back at the office on Christmas Eve... But this time David "rose his voice strongly" and the leave was lengthened by another week to January 2, 1931.

What was going to happen now? The little boy (named Sven David Johannes -- David and Johannes for the grandfathers and Sven just for himself...:-) was still at the maternity home. Erik's parents had offered to take him, but Erik didn't like the idea of leaving him far away, even in another country. Erik's brother Tott and his wife (they were married soon after Erik and Frieda) also offered to take him. They lived in Berlin, so Erik considered this offer, reluctantly...
 

Then a miracle happened. Mrs Maison -- Erik's landlady -- offered to take care of little Sven. 

It turned out that Frieda -- without Erik knowing about it -- had become very friendly with Mrs. Maison, and that the Maisons had become very involved in the situation. There was a door between Erik's apartment and the Maison apartment. That door was supposed to be locked. But Frieda and Mrs. Maison had often had it open and chatted to each other. Now the door was unlocked all the time. 

The Maison family gave Dad and me the best possible care. Dad could have dinner with them at self-cost-price and could take care of me when he was at home. I was treated as if I had been their own child. 
Sven with family Maison, Spree 27.7.1931
Sven with Gerdi 1931

They had an 11 year old daughter, Gerdi, and there are photographs showing her driving me in the pram. (25 years later we met again, see Epilogue.) So the whole of 1931 passed, and things were going well. I have no memory whatever from this time, but in photos it is seen that I look fat and healthy and seem to enjoy myself. 
This wonderful state of affairs continued during 1931. Then Erik realized, that however nice these arrangements were for both of us, he would lose me if it went on much longer. I had begun to say Mamma and Vatie to Mrs. and Mr. Maison, and they spoke about adopting me.
Erik with Sven 1931 But what could Erik do? He felt quite alien to the idea of  re-marrying. 

In his manuscript he has written:

The mere thought of someone taking Frieda's place was repugnant. 
Then a new miracle happened. Brigadier Ida Ambrasas who was an old friend of David and Betty, Dad's parents, and who also had become very friendly with Frieda, was now Divisional Commander in Hannover, not too far from Berlin. She invited Erik for Christmas 1931.

Dad's notes do not tell if it was only a social visit, or in connection with Christmas meetings. Neither does he tell if his little boy came with him or not. But at any rate in Hannover he met the Divisional Secretary, Margarete Dietrich. She wanted to improve her English and her consertina playing, and she was introduced to Erik. Erik said he would help her find a used consertina and would edit her English writings, and so they began seeing each other. Margarete was young and sweet and in May, 1932, she said Yes to Erik's proposal. 

But on this occasion the answer did not come quickly. I suppose Margarete had to  think it over. She was getting two for the price of one -- not necessarily a good deal.

Sven with new mother Margarete 1933 They married on October 31, 1932, and I had a new mother, although I do not remember this at all. I was only 2 years old at the time. 

It cannot have been easy to move me over from my nice extra parents, the Maisons, and it was even more difficult for them to let me go. 

Also it must have been a real challenge to Margarete, only 23 years old. But things came out quite well.
My only remembrance is that Margarete was the Mum I grew up with, and remained my Mum all her life. Mum and Dad got themselves a flat of their own -- three rooms, kitchen, WC and bathroom. So our little family made a successful new start.
A year later the family had grown with a sister for me, Karin. So the situation had become "normalized". Dad seemed to have successfully overcome the pain and sorrow that had seemed to hold the floor in those tantalizing days three years earlier. 

What is God's will for us? We cannot know, we can only learn to trust. In hindsight it is easy to say that David did have a point: Frieda did have a weak body. Who knows if she would have been able to live up to all the strains that our family in time would meet. 

Erik had found a wife (this time five years younger!) who would be his companion and help for the rest of their time in active duty. They retired in 1974 when Erik reached his seventieth birthday. 

So the story did have a happy end, after all, the second! Not too bad for a story in real life. 


Written in March, 1999
Last update: 1999 04 21             webmaster:  sw@abc.se